You need to pause whatever you're doing right now and hear this astronomical news. Cats are being made cardboard tank scratching posts and toys by English company Suck UK.
Gone are the 4ft tall monstrosities that stand in your living room that you hope your cat will choose to claw instead of your couch. They always choose the couch. Here are the cat-tanks and other cool creations that you and your cat will both enjoy.
High-Powered Cuteness
These are so unbelievably cute just because these kitties are unknowingly being so hardcore. How does one roll up to a good cat scratch and look so tough, yet so cuddly? With their hard-soft-kitties, Suck UK has truly created a paradox that will continue to fool us all for centuries.
Sure, Suck UK is unwittingly supplying the world's greatest masterminds of deception with blueprints for weapons of mass destruction, but hey, these cats look adorable. How else would you want to go than at the paws of this adorable fiend?
Cathole Not Foxhole
Just look at those eyes - they can spot a militant from over 3,000 yards away. The most impressive part? They pull at your heartstrings and make you say 'awwhhh' while they stare at you down their barrel.
If you're really nervous about your cat training to be a harbinger of total human annihilation, then don't worry. Tanks aren't the only creations this company is making for your furry friends. The other ones are much less like portents and more like whimsical kitty toys.
Click Clack It's Computer Cat
This is an adorable product to buy your kitty if you want to get him learning the ol' CPU early so he can finally join the workforce and start paying some rent. Those buttons are cardboard? You must mean Google Cardboard because this is a working man over here.
Look, he's even got a little mouse attachment for when he wants to quit typing and do a little media editing. More importantly - is he Microsoft Office fluent or does he need to go through the training course? Does Office come in a cardboard extension?
This DJ Will Scratch Some Sick Beats
This is a really sweet DJ set-up that will have all the lady kitties come purring and asking him how many streams he has on Spotify this month. He's a cool cat — just make sure you pay him for his set in tuna and not that gross canned salmon.
I have a feeling that he's playing some obscure music none of us have ever heard of. He's probably spinning to some German-synth-techo-underground-rockabilly from a band halfway across the world with one song. A true music genius - he's the cat's meow.
This DJ Got Us Falling In Love Again
Mama said never fall in love with a DJ but.... what if he was a cat? Is that okay? This guy looks so cute and cuddly, but also like a hip industry professional that it's blowing our collective minds. The all-black look? Just the right amount of edge and grunge for the punk he's apathetically spinning.
He's got his tongue out which means he's concentrating. Please do not be disturbing him when he's working by asking him for his website or Instagram handle. He is very busy thinking about milk and which pocket his catnip is in.
'Took Me All Afternoon But I Regret Nothing'
What does a cat need a tank for? Well, they were brought into this house to keep the rodent problem under control. But the rodents are running the asylum now. Desperate times have called for desperate measures, and that means bringing out the heavy artillery.
From the looks of this tank, this strategy is already working. This feisty feline has already knocked off six mice, and it's not even lunchtime.
Lieutenants Coatto Reporting For Duty
There's a reason they say teamwork makes the dream work, and these two pawsitively precious kittens have the manpower to push through anything that gets in their way. Cats can sometimes act as individuals, but when they combine their power, they're nearly unstoppable.
These two know their roles in this operation. Sure, they might fight over who gets the higher ground to spot any birds flying overhead, but in the end, they get the job done.
